Still Kickin'

Kinda forgot about the blog...oops.  I've been home for about 4 weeks now, and it's been pretty good.  Last weekend, the family took a trip up to Fredericksburg for Taylor's high school graduation.  It's crazy that she's going to college this fall.  Wedding plans are going great.  We have a date, a church, reception venue, I have a gown & veil, my bridesmaids are starting to pick their dresses, and we have LOTS of glass for the candy buffet.  We've also picked all the music for the ceremony, which we've decided to keep a secret.  No real reason...just because we can. :)  I get to go down to NC this Sunday to see Fletcher and visit the church he's interning at this summer.  I'm not a fan of being apart...at all.  But, we'll be married in 366 days!!  Family vacation is in 36 days...and if that would like to hurry up and get here, that'd be great!  We've been looking forward to Kiawah since the first snowstorm hit back in December.  This year, it'll be the 5 of us, Beth & Taylor, and Sarah!  I'm so excited to get some girl time in.  It's weird to think that next summer is going to so different than what we're used to. 

The Perfect Day

So, all I knew about the plans for today is that we were going to church and that I should eat breakfast, because Fletcher wasn't sure when we'd get a chance to eat before dinner. After church, we got in the car, and he told me to drive across the street to:

Starbucks on Timberlake
This is where he asked me to officially be his girlfriend January 10, 2009. The day he asked me, he showed me a fortune cookie slip that said, "A thrilling time is in store for you." Today, he gave me that slip to keep, and then asked me to drive to:

The House I Lived In Last Year
This house is where he told me he loved me for the first time, and where we had the discussion that we wanted to save our first kiss for our wedding day. We had many deep discussions at the house as our relationship was beginning to develop. From there, he told me to drive to:

The Dollar Theatre
This is where we went to see Dark Knight November 15, 2008. At the time, neither one of us wanted to ask if that was a date...but now we know it kinda was. After that movie got out, he walked me to my car and asked if I wanted to go get coffee the next day. Today, he gave me the ticket stubs from Dark Knight, and from our first official date. And, since we couldn't make it to the Applebee’s parking lot because of traffic, he gave me the ticket stubs from the play we saw last Valentines' Day. That Applebee’s is where we had our first dinner date and where we had dinner last Valentines'. From there, he told me to drive to:

Dorm 25-1
That's where Fletcher was an RA last year. We would meet outside the dorm to go walk or hang out. Outside that dorm is also where, on December 2, 2008, he told me that he liked me and wondered if I felt the same way. We decided that we would talk over Christmas break, but we wouldn't make the relationship "official" until the beginning of the next semester. From the dorm, he told me to go to:

DeMoss Hall
This is the main academic building on campus, and it's where the computer lab is. Fletcher walked me up to the 2nd floor lab, and we sat on the couches where we would sit and talk after class. There, he got up, told me to wait, and before he left he handed me a letter that said:

Emily,
Thus far we have spent this day reliving our journey together. I wanted to do this together with you in order to savor some of the best moments in our relationship. Unfortunately I must leave you behind for a little while on the next part of this journey, but don't worry. We have friends who have played roles within our relationship and guided it in ways that we may never have fully expected.
The next part of this adventure is one in which you will need to trust the guidance of some of our friends just as I had to do in the beginning of our relationship. It is my hope that during this time you will be reminded of the role other people have played in our relationship and that they will continue to play a role as we continue on this adventure together.
Don't worry. I may have let you walk alone on this part of our journey today but I am waiting for you on the other side anticipating your arrival. I love you very much and already miss seeing your face even though it has only been for a few moments. Happy Valentines' Day, sweetheart. It is my hope that my creativity on this day thus far has been worthwhile to you. After all, I may not be able to give you riches of kings but I give you my heart. Perhaps that is the most important gift of all I could give you on this day. I look forward to seeing you on the other side.
So sit, wait, and your first guide will soon arrive.

So I sat, and waited, and then I saw Jesse walk around the corner. Jesse is one of Fletcher’s best friends from home, and when I saw that he had driven in today, I knew something was up. Jesse had a picture of Fletcher and I that had 1 Corinthians 13 on it.

Jesse read the passage and then took me down the hall to Eric, one of Fletcher’s SLDs this year and was also on his hall last year. Eric had another picture of us that said,

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

Eric and Jesse then took me down to Chris who has been on Fletcher’s hall the last two years and was in our English class last semester. Chris’s picture said:

“Love. We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it and lose sleep worrying about it. When we don’t know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don’t know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don’t know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and IMPOSSIBLE to live without.”

Jesse, Eric, and Chris then took me down to Damian, who has also been on Fletcher’s hall and was also in our English class last semester. {and, thanks to Damian, some of the guys on Fletcher's hall this year heard me SCREAM at SacreMare} Damian’s picture said,

“I am nothing special of this I am sure. I am just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, that has always been enough.”

The guys then took me to the door of the classroom where Fletcher and I met on August 25, 2008. Standing outside the door was Anthony, who sat in front of me and next to Fletcher during that English class. Anthony read the quote on his picture:

“The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins—but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars.”

Anthony opened the door, and Fletcher was sitting in his seat. On the board, he had written: "Lesson #1: Men are like planets,” which comes from the first time we got together to study for an English test, and I had a typo in my notes that he, as you can see, still mocks me for, and has earned him the nickname, “Planet.” We talked for a bit, remembering the first time we met, and when he turned around and said, “Hi. I’m Fletcher,” that I looked like a deer in headlights. He told me not to look for a second, and then, over my shoulder, was another fortune cookie that he used when he asked me to be his girlfriend. This one said, “Your wish is about to come true.” He said (and this is paraphrase, because my brain is still mush right now…but it’s all on video that will be posted as soon as possible), “Last January, my wish was that you would be my girlfriend, but now {he starts turning me around} my wish is that you would be my wife.” {He pulls out the ring box and gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him}. The guys were taking pictures and video the whole time, and after we thanked them, we drove to Roanoke to tell my parents.

But that’s the story…and it was a perfect day.

 

 

714 Days

* 102 weeks
* 17,136 hours
* 1,028,160 minutes
* 61,689,600 seconds
714 days since Hannah Grace left us, just 17 days after she arrived. It was the most trying, stretching, faith-filled 17 days of my life. It's still hard. Christmas was hard...Birthday Bash was hard...anytime the family gets together, you realize that she isn't there...we'll never have all 12 grandkids together this side of Heaven.



It's still difficult to accept that this was God's will. We all thought she would be our miracle baby. For 6 years, we watched the miracles in Mya's life...the fact that she was still alive baffled the doctors. But she was walking, talking, and could see & hear. There was no doubt for those 17 days (at least in my heart) that Hannah was going to be just fine. I hear stories of other micro-preemies who were prayed out of the NICU, and you wonder why that wasn't us, as well. You come to a point when you have to realize that the Will of God will never bring you where the Grace of God won't get you through. It sucks...I still don't see why this was "best"...and I know I probably won't understand that here on Earth.

Matthew West debuted a new single earlier this month, and it fits so perfectly here.

"Save a Place for Me"

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have
the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon


Happy 2nd Birthday, Hannah Grace!! Can't wait until we're dancing with the angels together!

Hannah's Blogs
Hannah's CaringBridge Site


Time Calculations as listed above