714 Days

* 102 weeks
* 17,136 hours
* 1,028,160 minutes
* 61,689,600 seconds
714 days since Hannah Grace left us, just 17 days after she arrived. It was the most trying, stretching, faith-filled 17 days of my life. It's still hard. Christmas was hard...Birthday Bash was hard...anytime the family gets together, you realize that she isn't there...we'll never have all 12 grandkids together this side of Heaven.



It's still difficult to accept that this was God's will. We all thought she would be our miracle baby. For 6 years, we watched the miracles in Mya's life...the fact that she was still alive baffled the doctors. But she was walking, talking, and could see & hear. There was no doubt for those 17 days (at least in my heart) that Hannah was going to be just fine. I hear stories of other micro-preemies who were prayed out of the NICU, and you wonder why that wasn't us, as well. You come to a point when you have to realize that the Will of God will never bring you where the Grace of God won't get you through. It sucks...I still don't see why this was "best"...and I know I probably won't understand that here on Earth.

Matthew West debuted a new single earlier this month, and it fits so perfectly here.

"Save a Place for Me"

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have
the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon


Happy 2nd Birthday, Hannah Grace!! Can't wait until we're dancing with the angels together!

Hannah's Blogs
Hannah's CaringBridge Site


Time Calculations as listed above

When Everyone is Different But Nothing Has Changed

I’ll admit, I was nervous about the girls coming this weekend. Part of you thinks, “What if it’s awkward?” Out of our “group,” I’m the only one still in college. The rest of them are in, or at least have had post-grad job experience in what they want to do. They’re adults in the real world, and sometimes I feel like a kid stuck at school. So, yeah, I was concerned. But, the moment I get a call and in the middle I hear, “Ok, so we’re turning at the light,” I was pretty sure it was going to be a great weekend. And it was. It felt like almost every fall weekend from the last 4 years, except that everyone was in my living room. It was weird not going to Em & Chels’ apartment, since it was their place for 2 straight years. We talked about being adults and doing what you know God wants you to do. I realized that just because someone lives "2", 3, or 10 hours away, doesn’t mean they’re gone. I’m actually grateful for facebook and blogspot and text messaging, because we can keep up with each other and not worry about having an awkward run-in at homecoming or not having a clue where everyone ends up. After cultivating such a deep friendship with them for 4 years, yeah…it stinks that we don’t live 15 minutes apart anymore, and I don’t see them 3 or more times a week. But, we all knew there would be a day this would happen. Honestly, saying goodbye in May was much harder than saying goodbye when they left on Sunday. In May, part of me was wondering if we would actually see each other “soon.” Actually, part of me wondered if we would actually all be together again. (btw…if we could have coordinated kidnapping Kim, we totally would have…it was weird without her). Now that we know seeing each other is feasible, I’m actually feeling a little better than I have in a while. I know it’ll probably be once a semester, or even just once a year, that we’re “all together”, but that’s better than thinking “never.” And I have a feeling a certain person from Richmond is too in love with baseball (and weekends with baseball and hockey) to stay away too long. :)

Kicking Off the Summer

I actually have a summer job that I love. I’m working at the childcare center at home as an aide for a 6 yr old boy with Autism. It has been challenging, frustrating, draining, and absolutely amazing. Most of the kids in our class are accepting of him and try to help. And then there’s the 3 kids in the class who are absolute jerks and make me want to scream on an almost daily basis.

There are meltdowns, but we have a system that helps them dissipate. The kids know which seat is his and that he likes the middle swing and not to bring their Bakugan to school if they want to maintain a peaceful environment.

My first full day was yesterday, and it was a little weird, because it was just the two of us until the rest of the school kids got out for the day. Next week, it’ll just be us and the other kindergartners until about 1, and then it’s a full house until 6…true full class full days start Wednesday. The day went well, as much as he (and most children with autism) cling to their schedules and totally hate transitions.

I was able to meet the Preschool Special Ed teacher and talk to her while her kids and my kid watched Finding Nemo. We watched some of his other favorite movies, played with legos, and then it was naptime for the entire center. All of the lights were off for 2 ½ hours. It was awesome…it was quiet.

Next week we’re at the center, and then field trips kick off the week after that. Those should be fun. I ran into his teacher at the grocery store the other day, and we were able to talk about how he does during field trips, and I am thankful for the advice she gave.

It should be an interesting summer…but my profs were right…your classes teach you how to fill out paperwork…your classroom experiences teach you how to become a teacher.

One Year

January 10, 2008. 6:15pm. It wasn’t a normal phone call. Your aunt’s in the hospital…24 weeks pregnant…HELLP syndrome. It wasn’t a normal voicemail. 10:23pm. Hearing that your baby cousin is an hour old…weighs 15 ounces…and is 11 inches long… she and your aunt survived the emergency c-section…they’re both in ICU. It wasn’t a normal night…your RA’s and SLD partner praying with you for hours…sleeping with the phone next to your ear…just in case. Calling your cousin 8 hours away...and having to have her talk you out of dropping out and going home for the semester (twice)…realizing that God is bigger than this and we are where we need to be…for some reason.
January 11- Quiet Time-Utmost For His Highest

“Beware of the inclination to dictate to God what consequences you would allow as a condition of your obedience to Him.”

Her pictures were on my door, as I do whenever there’s a new baby…but these pictures were next to the latest updates from the NICU. It wasn’t the normal, “Congrats on your new cousin.” No one knew what to say, or how to say it.
The next month in RHLM would be a (planned in October) study on brokenness. I have to admit…I was not excited about studying brokenness while my baby cousin was in a NICU an hour away. Every song seemed to have a message of hope in suffering or giving everything up to the One who is in control. “I Surrender All”, “Blessed Be Your Name”, “Jesus Bring the Rain” were songs that I had loved for a long time, but they took on an entirely different meaning. Going home the day she had surgery to close the hole in her heart and holding her entire foot with the tips of my fingers…just staring at Hannah Grace. Leaving the NICU was tough…my “oldest cousin” instincts were telling me to stay…just stay and stare at her.
Overhearing that she was getting sicker…texting my team…individually…only to find out later that most of them were together, and stopped what they were doing to pray for Hannah.
Another week at school…another week of keeping up with the updates and keeping up with who wanted updates. Coming back to the dorm and getting swallowed by hugs from my roommate. Trying to keep a normal schedule…never, ever, turning the phone off or putting it out of arms reach. Hoping, praying, and hoping some more.
January 22- QT- Utmost For His Highest-

“Wake yourself up and look to God. Build your hope on Him. No matter how many things seem to be pressing in on you, be determined to push them aside and look to Him.”

Wednesday morning, a girl sings “Held” by Natalie Grant in convo. Hoping that song won’t be applicable to your life.
Hearing a noise out in the quad…opening your door to see your entire leadership team and some girls from your hall there, asking if they can pray with you for a baby they’ll never meet this side of Heaven. Hearing sermons on miracles, and signs and wonders, wondering if it’s a sign that we’re getting a miracle. Never losing hope. Learning that joy is not attached to happiness. Learning that you are not in control.
January 25-Utmost-Leave Room for God

"As servants of God, we must learn to make room for Him--to give God ‘elbow room.’ We plan and figure and predict that this or that will happen, but we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses. Would we be surprised if God came into our meeting or into our preaching in a way we had never expected to come? Do not look for God to come in a particular way, but do look for Him. The way to make room for Him is to expect Him to come, but not in a certain way. No matter how well we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that He may break in at any minute. We tend to overlook this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way. Suddenly--God meets our life—‘...when it pleased God...’ (Gal. 1:15)
Keep your life so constantly in touch with God that His surprising power can break through at any point. Live in a constant state of expectancy, and leave room for God to come in as He decides.”

January 27. Sunday morning. Johnnie Moore preached on Job. In fact, the whole semester would be on Job. Writing in the top corner of the first page of Job in your Bible as Johnnie says,

“The appropriate response to suffering is worship, and worship is the first act of faith.”

Go to Emily and Chelsey’s to hang out and do some laundry.
2:30pm- mom calls- Hannah’s not going to make it. Never losing hope. Trying not to cry. Trying to call people and get through the phone calls. Calling Sarah.
She went from the arms of her family into the arms of Jesus at 4pm. Trying to rationalize why…realizing that would never be possible. Trying to find a place to be alone…realizing that place does not exist on campus. Getting the, “Are you okay?” and learning that saying, “No.” is just fine. Coming across Psalm 139:13-16 and realizing, yet again, that you are not in control.
January 28- RHLM- continued study on brokenness

“You experience this joy in hopelessness, realizing that if you are ever to be raised up it must be by the hand of God….Whenever His hand is laid upon you, it gives inexpressible peace and comfort, and the sense that ‘underneath are the everlasting arms’ (Deut 33:27), full of support, provision, comfort, and strength.”

Going home for the funeral. Holding my other cousins so I would have something else to focus on…holding them a little tighter. Listening to “Dancing With the Angels” over and over and over…looking forward to day when we will dance together in Heaven.
Realizing that there will never be a complete family picture. Hoping that all of the younger ones will surrender their lives to Christ so all of us can be together some day.
Hannah Grace was here by the grace of God. She wasn’t supposed to survive the 17 days that she did. Her days on earth had a purpose…she was the tiniest person I’ve ever seen…but she was a person. Missing her. A lot. Wondering what she would be like today, on her first birthday. What she would have become. What her voice sounded like. What her laugh sounded like. Realizing, once again, Psalm 139:13-16. Realizing that I will never understand why.
For those of you who were a part of my life at that time, especially my close friends and my leadership team, thank you for the hugs, prayers, and more hugs. I don’t know what I would have done without all of you.
Happy Birthday, Hannah Banana! We’ll see you again, when we’re dancing with the angels.

How Many Kings?

So...a real post is coming soon, but I want to share this song.

How Many Kings-downhere
Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger
Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?
Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for
How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me
All for me
All for you
All for me
All for you

Here I Am

So...I'm driving home after class today, and this song comes on. I hadn't heard it until today. It's awesome.
Yeah...I know most of my blogs are lyrics, but that's how I express myself. Music is one of those things I really don't think I could stay sane without.


Downhere - Here I Am
From the album Ending Is Beginning

Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Here I am, Lord send me
Wanna live my life as an offering

Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

What This World Needs By: Casting Crowns

What this world needs is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind; another two bit politician peddling lies;
another three ring circus society.
What this world needs is not another sign waving super saint that's better than you;
another ear pleasing candy man afraid of the truth;
another prophet in an Armani suit.

What this world needs is a Savior who will rescue,
a Spirit who will lead,
a Father who will love them in their time of need.
A Savior who will rescue,
a Spirit who will lead,
a Father who will love.
That's what this world needs.

What this world needs is for us to care more about the inside than the outside; have we become so blind that we can't see;
God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt.
What this world needs is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance;
blending in so well that people can't see the difference;
and it's the difference that sets the world free.

People aren't confused by the Gospel, they are confused by us.
Jesus is the only way to God, but we are not the only way to Jesus.
This world doesn't need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination,
or my translation of the Bible.
They just need Jesus!
We can be passionate about what we believe,
but we can't strap ourselves to the Gospel,
because we are slowing it down.
Jesus is going to save the world;
but maybe the best thing we can do
is just get out of the way.

Jesus is our Savior, that's what this world needs! Father's arms around you, that's what this world needs! That's what this world needs.

The Past 36 Hours

In the past 36 hours:
My best friend’s car broke down on I-64W headed back to LU.
We were going down the interstate when “Daisy” started making a clicking noise. Kim couldn’t accelerate…Daisy started loosing speed…as we were pulling off, Daisy stopped running. Thankfully, we had already picked up her mom at the Richmond Airport. It wasn’t raining, sleeting, snowing, blazing hot, or frigid cold. It was daylight. There really weren’t THAT many cars on the interstate.
We were on the side of the interstate for 2 hours…and the tow truck couldn’t find us. Five cars and a trucker stopped to check on us. Two guys looked at the car…the first one thought it was the timing belt…the second one said her car doesn’t have a timing belt. We called an RA to give her a head’s up that we would probably need someone to come get us. While we were waiting, we watched caterpillars try to cross the road, only to meet their fate when cars came by.
The tow truck found us eventually, said he had no idea what was wrong with the car, and took us to a shop. However, it was Saturday, and the shop was closed, so her car is still in Charlottesville. She is planning to leave on Tuesday to go home to Texas. We called our RA again, and she and Heidi (who will be my SLD partner/Room mate next year) started towards us…
So, we were in Charlottesville…and none of us are familiar with it. Thankfully, I was borrowing my parents’ GPS for the trip, and we had it with us, so we looked up a restaurant that was supposedly 0.8 miles away…and we started walking…with a GPS…through the neighborhoods of downtown Charlottesville.
When we got to the road The Frizz (the GPS) said the Subway was on…it wasn’t there…Thankfully, the Charlottesville Transit Station and Visitor’s Center was on that road…and it was open. So, we asked the Visitor’s Center where it was…and they told us we could take the FREE trolley to the Omni, go down McIntyre…and it would be there…we did…and it was…
The GPS Audrey and Heidi had borrowed apparently wasn’t good with directions, and was continually loosing satellite reception, so it took them a little longer than planned to get to us…but they did get to us, and we got back to LU at 10pm…5 hours later than we had planned…

We had the Annual Leadership Appreciation and Dedication Service.
This is where the emotions are jumbled. During this service, we recognize the Praise Band/RDs/RAs/SLDs/PLs for 07-08 and Dedicate the 08-09 team. I was perfectly fine until it was time for the SLD part. We (the current SLDs) were told to stand with and pray for those on our hall who will be new SLDs next year. I can’t describe the feeling I had when Heidi, Christy, and Emily N. stood up. Everything that happened on our hall this year was by the hand and grace of God, and it was so heartwarming to see two of “my” freshmen and good friends, and one of my closest friends, stand up to “Receive the torch.” Praying for them with Sam was so hard, as Sam and I realized that our ministry together is coming to an end…letting go of Sam’s hand was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time…if ever.
However, walking from one side of the Vines to the other, with Heidi, towards our PL team, was incredible. Our team is already bonding and preparing for next year. I love all of those girls and I am so excited to work with them in ministry.
After the service, as Sam, Erica, Audrey and I were taking pictures of the “Core 4” and just hanging out, not wanting to leave, I flashed back to this time last year…a time when Sam and I barely knew each other, and I was having trouble remembering the names of my PLs. I don’t know what our hall would have been like without them…I do know that God placed those girls on our hall for a purpose, as He has placed the team for next year. My sadness that this year is over cannot be masked by the excitement for next, but I know in August, we will still be friends, each ministering in the way God has called us to.

“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now.” Philippians 1:3-5

Somewhere in the Middle

So, the Casting Crowns concert was last night. I’m not sure why, but their concerts always seem to “get” me.

I have loved Voice of Truth since High School, and they sang it last night, followed by Somewhere in the Middle, from their new album. I’ve listened to it a few times, but it became one of favorites after last night.

The last half of the song says:

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end

and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences

the God we want and the God who is

but will we trade our dreams for His

or are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

Most of you know that I want to be a Special Ed teacher…

Some of you know that my BHAG…Big Hairy Audacious Goal (Thanks Dr. Falwell)…is to open a Christian School with a strong Special Ed program, so that all families will have access to a Christian education, no matter what disabilities or challenges their children have.

I’ve had these goals for a while, and my mind has been so focused on them that I haven’t really been paying attention to the path God seems to be leading me down.

Last Spring Break, I was in NYC. This was my third time in The City, but it was my first mission trip. We worked at Manhattan Christian School, sleeping in the classrooms in Washington Heights (Spanish Harlem). I fell in love with that school, and Manhattan Bible Church. When you think of church in NYC, I had always imagined Catholic churches or a mega church, like Brooklyn Tabernacle, and thought I would never find a “small” Baptist church like I’m used to. But, I found one. It runs the school. I miss it.

I really feel that God wants me to go back…to teach at MCA, but it freaks me out.

I grew up here:

Not exactly the Big Apple. Growing up in a small town doesn’t prepare one to live in NYC. But, God doesn’t necessarily called the equipped…He equips those who are called.

Here are the full lyrics to Somewhere in the Middle:

Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, you'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, you'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender

without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end

and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences

the God we want and the God who is

but will we trade our dreams for His

or are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end

and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences

the God we want and the God who is

but will we trade our dreams for His

or are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

----------------
Now playing: Casting Crowns - Somewhere In The Middle

No Excuses...

The next time you feel like God can’t use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair AND he was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once!
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer... and
Lazarus was dead!

I have no excuses…but I have the same God.

Childlike Faith

I was hanging out with my 7-year-old cousin, McKenzie, this past weekend on campus. We were in the dorm, and she was telling Kim and me how she got saved (YAY!!) back in October. We asked her if she had any questions...and this was one (out of 4 or 5) of them...

McKenzie: "So, how could Jesus be God in heaven and still be on earth?"

Kim: "Well, that is something that many people way smarter than i am have been arguing over for years, but i think--"

McKenzie: "I think it's cause He's God, right? So, He can do anything He wants, and He can be in more than one place at a time, cause He's God."

Kim: "...well, yeah...that's pretty much all there is to it..."

Jesus, Bring the Rain

I remember the Praise Band singing this the first week of school,
but I just heard it again today, and it hit me in a completely different way...

Bring the Rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to Praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds
that may loom above because
You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
suffering Your destiny
So tell me whats a little rain?

----------------
Now playing: MercyMe - Bring the Rain

None But Jesus

Have you ever gone to church and thought that the Praise Band
has been shadowing your life? They sang this song tonight,
and that's how I felt, so I thought I would share it.

None But Jesus

Hillsong



In the quiet

In the stillness

I know that You are God

In the secret of Your presence

I know there I am restored

When You call I won't refuse

Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me

None but Jesus

Crucified to set me free

Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion

I know You're sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness

You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won't delay

This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord

All of my hope

All of my strength

All my delight is in You Lord

Forever more

----------------

Now playing: Hillsong - None But Jesus

Brokenness

I have learned over the past month that God sometimes needs to bring you to your worst, on your face before Him, before He can start to put the pieces back together and get you back on your feet. We don't always understand why stuff happens, and there are times where no one can see the "good" that could possibly come out of a situation.
Over the past month, our leadership team has been studying Brokenness, as I watch my family crumble.
My devotion on February 6th was, "Are You Ready To Be Poured Out As an Offering?"

Are you ready to be poured out as an offering? It is an act of your will, not your emotions. Tell God you are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you. From the outside, your life may appear to be the same, but the difference is taking place in your will. Once you have experienced the crisis in your will, you will take no thought of the cost when it begins to affect you externally. If you don't deal with God on the level of your will first, the result will be only to arouse sympathy for yourself. "Bind the sacrifice with cords to the horn of the altar" (Psalm 11:27). You must be willing to be placed on the altar and go through the fire; willing to experience what the altar represents--burning, purifications, and separation for only one purpose--elimination of every desire and affection not grounded in or directed toward God. But you don 't eliminate it, God does. You "bind the sacrifice...to the horns of the altar" and see to it that you don't wallow in self-pity once the fire begins. After you have gone through the fire, there will be nothing that will be able to trouble or depress you. When another crisis arises, you will realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What fire lies ahead in you life?
Tell God you are ready to be poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.
My Utmost for His Highest
Oswald Chambers

We all know that nothing takes God by surprise, and He knows what is best, and everything will work out according to His purpose, but it takes a while to get it. Grief lasts a long time. The pain lasts longer. But, it is the surrender to God's will that begins the healing process--when you are on your face, giving every tear to Him.

"The appropriate response to suffering is worship, and worship is the first act of faith."
~Johnnie Moore, Campus Church--Job, January 27, 2008

Only You

David Crowder

Take my heart, I Lay it down

At the feet of you whose crowned

Take my life, I’m letting go

I lift it upto You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord

Only You, Lord

And I will bow down before You

Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear

All I have, I’m leaving here

Be all my hopes, be all my dreams

Be all my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now

Only you and me here now

You should see the view

When it’s only You

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Now playing: David Crowder - Only You

Homesick

I know I've been posting a lot of songs the last few days, but for those of you who know me, you know that music is my second heartbeat. Music is how I express thoughts, feelings, fears, so if you want to get inside my head, you might as well browse my iTunes... Today was tough. Not only was yesterday Hannah's funeral, but today is 5 years since Grandaddy Peters died. So, I'm more Homesick now than ever.

You're in a better place,
I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times
I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

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Now playing: MercyMe - Homesick

Dancing With the Angels

Memories surround me
But sadness has found me
I’d do anything for more time
Never before has someone meant more
And I can’t get you out of my mind

There is so much that I don’t understand
But I know…

You’re dancing with the angels
Walking in new life
You’re dancing with the angels
Heaven fills your eyes
Now that you’re dancing with the angels

You had love for your family
Love for all people
Love for the Father, and Son
Your heart will be heard
In your unspoken words
Through generations to come

There is so much that I don’t understand
But I know

You’re dancing with the angels
Walking in new life
You’re dancing with the angels
Heaven fills your eyes
Now that you’re dancing with the angels

We’re only here for such a short time
So I’m gonna’ stand up, shout out,
And sing Hallelujah
One day I’ll see you again

You’re dancing with the angels
Walking in new life
You’re dancing with the angels
Heaven fills your eyes
Now that you’re dancing with the angels

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Now playing: Monk & Neagle - Dancing With the Angels

Praise You in This Storm

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with You"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with You"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

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Now playing: Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm

Elbow Room

The past 16 days have been the most unexpected of my life. No one assumes a child will be born prematurely. Watching God work these past two weeks and my dorm and my friends come together to pray for someone they may never meet has been incredible. Yesterday, I opened my devotional to January 25th and starting reading. I decided to post it here so I can share it with those who need it.

Leave Room for God

As servants of God, we must learn to make room for Him--to give God "elbow room." We plan and figure and predict that this or that will happen, but we forget to make room for God to come in as He choses. Would we be surprised if God came into our meeting or into our preaching in a way we had never expected to come? Do not look for God to come in a particular way, but do look for Him. The way to make room for Him is to expect Him to come, but not in a certain way. No matter how well we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that He may break in at any minute. We tend to overlook this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way. Suddenly--God meets our life--"...when it pleased God..." (Gal. 1:15)
Keep your life so constantly in touch with God that His surprising power can break through at any point. Live in a constant state of expectancy, and leave room for God to come in as He decides.